Chick-fil-A: Breakfast Rut
Chick-fil-A: Steers of Yesteryear
Campaign: 20th Anniversary Cow Calendar
*Quite possibly the silliest project to date but I did get to put an Anna Wintour wig on a cow (see October).
A Blast from the Pastures: Greatest Hits Edition
This year's "Steers of Yesteryear" calendar is a collection of greatest hits from the past 20 years of cow calendars. These talented cows represent the rich tapestry of cow culture from "reality steers" to the "first heifer to take flight." And, because they are cows, they all share a single passion - to spread the important message of eating chicken. We created online polling via Twitter to get our fans involved and decide which steers were worthy for a return to the spotlight. Get ready for the puns and check out the winners.
Most Inspirational Cow: Perseveerinse
“Go 2 tha endz of the erth 4 a burger-free future. Tha moment u qwit doing that is tha moment we become burgerz. And when weer burgerz, tellin peepl 2 eat mor chikin iz reely hard.”
Still as relevant today as it was years ago, this powerful quote epitomizes a cow’s uncompromising determination to spread the message of chicken. And finding more chicken is like life – it requires perseverance. Perseverance in spite of all the obstacles like icy terrains and beef-buffets, is what distinguishes one brave bovine from the weak and will ensure a burger-free future.
Funniest on the Farm: Annie Jokely
If y’all remember the Great Burger Rush in the early 1800’s, then y’all remember Annie Jokely. Ranchers, butchers, and rustlers came from far n’ wide to see the first female cowmic perform her strange brand o’ off beef humor and her wild chicken dance. Not only was Annie Jokely famous for winning the wild west with her quick draw humor, but comic historians recently discovered that Annie Jokely told the first “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke. She came up with the idea to encourage 19th century railroad workers to eat chicken for lunch. She used to say EAT THE WHOLE CHIKIN, EVEN THE FUNNY BONE!
Greatest Bovine Baller: Cattle Guard
You might know her as the first heifer to ever dunk a basketball. Always milking her stardom, this four-foot power forward from Atlanta always knew how to take it to the pail. This fan favorite was the leading cattle guard every season she played for Atlanta’s all heifer team, The Buzzer Beefers, before retiring her jersey. Now, she’s the owner of the semi-professional basketball team, The Wichita Withers, and has a successful line of shoes that are known for their hoof support. She’s also the spokes-cow for the youth basketball program, Foul Shot, which inspires young people to play like a cow and eat more chicken.
Best in Bovine Prime Time: Baloney Vice
Thanks to Ronny Brisquet and Rafael de Vaca, the high-steaks game of international beef trafficking came to an end on Baloney Beach. Baloney Vice is credited with inspiring an entire genre of Cow Cop TV shows, including the gritty Bovines in Blue series where undercover cows do anything “To protect cows and serve chicken.”
Healthiest Heifer: Mommy and Moo
After this mom started her own gym called No Pain, No Grain, she created her own workout video series, including the hits “Chicken and Chisel,” “Bodies in Mootion,” and “Patty Off the Pounds.” Her workouts inspired millions of mamas back into signboard-carrying shape just in time for summer all while entertaining their teeny-tiny tenderloins. She recently figured out a way to make spandex more flattering for new mamas, launching her own athleisure apparel line, Moo Moo. Although she’s now reached influencer status, she still stays true to her roots and tells everyone that chicken is the best meal before and after exercise. Who says super moms can’t have it all?
Favorite Reality Steers: Project Bunaway
After winning several Cattle TV Awards and Golden Hooves for Best Original Reality Steer Program, Project Bunaway’s cowtestants continue to create clothing lines that make people crave chicken. Today, the show’s winners are making more than moo-moos and you can find their flattering ready-to-wear items at Barnyard & Co. Project Bunaway proves time and time again that chicken is still the most fashionable fare in Hollywood. And well, if you disagree, “Auf Wiedersehen!”
Highest Flyin' Heifer: Amealia Airhoof
The first heifer in flight, Airhoof fearlessly took to the skies to spread the message of chicken. At an early age Amealia realized that the more time she spent on the ground, the better the chance she had of becoming ground beef. So she spent much of her life at 12,000 feet before she mysteriously disappeared in the Bermooda Triangle. Cow historians agree that Amealia Airhoof single-hoofedly took chicken awareness to new heights and inspired future generations of cows to travel the world and spread the word of chicken.
Cow & Bell Hall of Fame: Lil' Suede
It’s been a long cattle drive from his humble beat boxing beginnings in the subway of Haystuy, Brooklyn. But today, Lil’ Suede is a legendary producer living on the glamorous beaches of Malimoo, California. The music superstar, who has worked with famous barnyard acts such as Spicy Skirtsteak and Grillz & Nuggetz, became notorious for his poppin’ tracks made from chicken-inspired scratches and big moo synth. After success with his first platinum album, the artist formerly known as Lil’ Suede became known as 100% OG Cowhide, but today is now known as Master Suede. When he’s not paddle boarding, you’ll find him making udder-rumbling beats in his famous recording barn named the Beef Factory.
Most Talented T-Bone: Chuck Lean
After a rocky start as a ventriloquist and getting mooed off the stage, Chuck finally got his career off the ground. But you won’t see any ground beef on his new late night TV show, Chuck’s Midnight Snack, because every snack is made with chicken. From juggling burning chicken nuggets to chicken puppet routines, judges and viewers agree, there’s nothing Chuck Lean can’t do to make beef look entertaining-and make chicken look appetizing.
Steer Style Icon: Cleopatty
Cleopatty, an udder beauty, used her tender moo and well-done wit to become the first pharaoh of Egypt to ban burgers. Idolized for her lavish clothes and impeccable taste, you can still see her playful mix of black and white patterns on runways today. She was the “it” cow of her time. Her beauty was mesmerizing, which she used during an epic trip to Rome to charm Caesar into creating the perfect marriage of poultry and lettuce, which became later known as the Chicken Caesar Salad.
Greatest Trailgrazer: Dr. David Livingsteak
Henry Mooton Stanley once called him the “greatest living trailgrazer of our time.” Dr. Livingsteak ventured into new frontiers and helped civilizations around the world explore the taste of chicken. Not only was he the first to set hoof on the African continent, in search of the Lost City of Chicken, but his classic adventure style influenced one particular safari-inspired retailer of the 80’s and a decade of khaki-wearing suburbanites.
Greatest T-Bone: King Alexandherd the Steak
In his many conquests, Alexandherd the Steak had one goal: to let others know that eating beef is a punishable offense. Proving his strength in cold-cut combat, he forced beef-eating cultures to accept chicken as the best option on the table. His reign marked the beginning of a new era known as the Chickenistic Age. Without his ambition, the message and culture of eat more chicken might well have remained confined to small pastures and never made its way to the “open range.” This livestock legend’s image is preserved on every accepted form of cattle currency, because in the fight for chicken, he never chickened out.